Breathe out...

This post may come across as somewhat personal, but I'm okay with that. Again, this blog is going to be about my life and my ways of finding beauty in every situation possible. Maybe it will be my way to de-stress, maybe someone else out there encounters similar situations, or maybe it will be someone's distraction from a busy life. Whatever reason it is, I hope this blog gives you some perspective. Don't get me wrong...I'm still going to talk about "makeup" and my career as a freelance artist...but there is much more to me then just my "career". Which is something that I have accepted as of recently.

April 27th, 2012- I suffered a miscarriage. I was 8 weeks pregnant. We were thrilled and so excited, (to say the least) that we were expecting our first child come December 2012. And so suddenly suffered the loss. If you truly know us, then you know how badly we want to be parents and how excited we are to start a family. A lot of people our age may have an opinion to that. Yes, we live in a one bedroom apartment, no, we don't make a ton of money, yes, we told too many people too soon....but all of that aside. It's our life, and who are you to judge? Again, if you know me and my husband, you know how in love we are and how rare our kind of love is. And that in itself, is pretty damn special to me and is all you need to make it work. I can honestly say that since the miscarriage, I haven't been myself. I've struggled with many emotions. Questions that I knew the answers to but didn't want to accept them for what they were. There had to be something wrong with me. Why did this happen to us? One more crazy intense situation that my husband and I have to be put through.

I have felt things these past couple months that I never knew I could feel...or knew I could feel but always felt like, "no, that will never be me". Major depression...but I'm good hiding it. Except from one person, my husband. I felt like I was inadequate, as a wife, as a person,in my job, and it was something that my husband was picking up on. And he was not happy about it. I was convinced that these feelings were just normal, and eventually would go away and were just part of the healing process. Well, unfortunately they got worse. Anxiety and depression in full swing. Your mind is a crazy thing. Your thoughts can do some serious damage. I felt as if I was loosing my mind.

Now, I can finally say that I feel like I'm heading in the right direction...with my thoughts and outlook on life and truthfully, I have my husband and family to thank for it. And for that I am beyond grateful. You can't dwell on the what if's or the could have beens'when things don't go as planned. You have to focus on the present and live for the moment. And that's what I'm doing...or trying to do as often as possible. I'm quite a work in progress but at least I know I'm trying my best. I can make it through anything, you can make it through anything. It is all about positive thinking. And it definitely doesn't hurt to have an amazing support system ;)